hey pple!



this is history.



check this out. hot stuff yeah.
www.missybitchjunkie.blogspot.com



edit ur links pls!
taa.

i shall start my entry with this sentence-
everything happens for a better reason.



well, i was in the page which displays all my recent posts, and i realised tt the last entry was dated on 24th march. and its 11th april now. so I actually did not update on myself for 18 days. which is like.. um. 2 and a half weeks. whatever. what matters is tt im here now to share my life. with pple who care. (:



i feel like a a fool. the 1st time I ever felt so stupid in my life. seriously.
realizing tt struck me quite badly though.



constantly, I noe tt life is filled with ups and downs, having a dark side as well, but somehow it never occur to me tt human could be so evil. esp pple whom i noe, whom i tot was sincerely nice. never did it strike me tt all i see is jus surface matters. i was just some stupid fool living in my own perfect world of expecting nice pple revolving around me in my life.



i felt enlightened suddenly. when I found out some horrid stuff pple whom i noe was doing.. it really upsets me though. somehow, even though i should be, as I tot I should be more mad about the matter than being upset over it. it doesn’t really matter now, at least I saw through the fakes.




i never regretted tt unhappy or unfortunate things happen to me as i always learn from them, getting experiences from these really made me realised a lot of things i would never know it i never been through them. Thus it brings us back to my 1st sentence- everything happens for a better reason.




Had been living with a bitch for more than a sixth of my life, and stil counting on. Had been living through cheats and lies for a couple of months as well.




despite all the unhappiness, im stil so glad tt im back here with you my darling, right on xmas day. sweeping away all the cheats and lies right on xmas day could never been better before.



and I love you so.




do you believe in karma? i do. so if you’ve been doing evil deeds, pls try to do some good deeds to try redeeming and making up for them. if only the pple whom im referring to get to my words and know tt im referring to them. but one a 2nd thought, they are jus too incorrigible to think.




whatever i do, i’ve done nth wrong to myself, to my conscience, to heaven to earth.
sounds familiar? bullshit I call this.



shall not talk about the unhappy stuff.



laopo mailed me a letter with a pic attached. i jus received it jus now. felt really happy. its so sweet of u my dear. i miss u so much. the world out there is jus so freaky. i need you with me. no one, and i really mean no on can replace the place you stand in my heart and in my life.




will mail you back. nth can feel better then receiving a postage letter. the whole excitement of receiving till you feel tinges of sweetness when you peel open the seal and read the letter.




i miss my darling. going over his place in 3 hr’s time to have breakfast with him. (:



one thing for sure. trust no one to the exception of a few.



ciao.

im really tired.
have got work tml but i really need to write this out.



im so pissed.
and nothing can satisfy me. period.



fuck to you.

im back! after disappearing for such a long time.



sorry lah! was busy working. and holiday-ing tt i haven got much time to even rest, let alone come online and blog.



anyway im working like quite often this month, in both far east and cine. no choice lahh. holidays gotta try to earn more money to save for the next sem. wahahaha. darling just got his pay on the 15th, and he bought me quite some stuff which satisfied me pretty much. -big grin-



i got a new pair of cute shades, a stuffed toy- a chipmunk. (i got chip, and dar said chip's the dumber out of the two), a new top, a nice set of lingerie, a new skirt. and he wanted to buy me new havaianas flipflops. mine isnt really in a bad state yet and i didnt feel tt the plain white one was worth the money so i told him its okay. he also wanted to get me this really really nice bikini from japan, selling at 99 bucks. was like wth! freaking daylight robbery. so i skipped tt as well. :) and im happy about not buying them. haha. :) imma good kid who saves money. wooah.



i love you darling.
im sorry for being extremely mean and saying those words to hurt you. i dont mean them. alright. :) sorry for showing my unpredictable moodswings. i still do love you. after all. :) and thanks for being really patient and for putting up with my moodswings.



i read some magazine and i spotted this really cute purse from LV. and i wan it! but it's sold out. damn. cos i wanted the one in fushia. argh. gotta wait till may then. :/ nvm. shall keep my eyes on a lookout for nicer wallets. :)



snowy jus had a haircut. poor lil thing. being botak makes her real skinny. haha. but i stil love her as much.



im sleepy. shall update again.



ciao.

the passion's fading.


and i dont know how much longer i can hold on.

i jus woke up an hour ago, and much much fury has built during the past hour.



fucking feel like stabbing someone. argh. like come on. think. think. think.



apparently, i was asked to play mahjong at my fren's place, by my bf's fren. get it? like duh. i was invited to play mahjong with my bf, his frens, and my fren, at my fren's place. and invitation by my bf's fren and my fren. i'd have jus exploded.



i am and stil is sms-ing with my bf, hearing no news from him about playing mahjong at all. like. ARGH. hello!? its at my fren's place. and everyone is like planning a mahjong session with me knowing it the last, and the most horrid part is tt the one who informed me wasnt my bf. argh. i so wanna slap someone.



worst of all, one of them is going w/o telling his or her girl/boy fren. and guess what? im so caught in the middle cos i know both of them. wtf. seriously. shit happens. shall not mention names to prevent any conflicts or whatsoever.



i so so need a break from all these. trying to be someone nice isnt really my cup of tea. and its fucking tiring without getting appreciated.



nvm. im not joining this fucking mahjong session cos i know im fucking gonna go there with a fucked up attitude trying to piss pple off. so, shall find my own programme or jus freaking stay at home.



got work tml. if im feeling bored later, shall blog again.



bye.

im sitting in the living room staring blankly at the tv screen broadcasting chelsea and barcelona's live match. feeling kinda emo suddenly. like somehow, something's amiss.


things are just moving with time, but i feel that i haven moved or done much.



and, i feel tt i've disappointed many pple. like. firstly, my parents. i mean, look at how long haven i gone home. 3 days. i made them really worried. they are the ones im depending on. and i get a freaking 1k from them every mth. even more i daresay. but from what im doing, im practically treating my house as a hotel and my parents as ATM machines. am i no better than my brother? tt fuckass kept sucking money from my parents, despite the fact tt they bought him a car. at his age of 18. wth. forget about tt man. i seriously need to like be more disciplined and get my fucking ass home early. or home at least.




:( next, weisheng. many things i've done are out to spite him. perhaps it has sth to do with my character as i've been pampered from young. and with my birth order, the youngest child, often i get everything i want. so alas, these are the reasons to my evil doings. but i need to be loved. i noe u do too, but.. okay no more buts. perhaps time will solve this problem for us. because once we start, we'll never come to an end. but please, dont shake me so hard. it hurts. my arms and hands are bruised. but never as bruised as how my heart is when u are so rough to me. i am and will try to be not so spiteful next time. okay.. sigh.




for many many others whom i've disappointed, u noe who you are. im terribly sorry. perhaps its jus plain unlucky i've stepped into ur lives. but.. somehow i still wish u guys aint giving up on me quite yet. bcos i'll try to be a better person. :)



sigh. i wonder wats with me and my unpredictable emotions. jus wanna scream and shout in anger, and laugh in the next sec, with a sudden cringe, i'll jus start tearing. god. im a weirdo. meow. =p



i cant slp lahh! haven been slping according to the morning=work/play, night=sleep routine. well. hols jus started so i can afford to do tt. perhaps i'll try to slp earlier and eventually when sch reopens, my body clock is back to normal. :)



okay. its turning five. im gonna call weisheng and tell him im gonna slp. dont say im mean! he wants me to call him b4 i slp. who knows im slping so erm. early. =p



very good morning to everyone. :) taa.

haven blogged for so many days cos i was playing mahjong probably like 12 hours daily. okay. 12 hours is pretty exaggerated, but somewhere around there lah.



the end of medsoc final exams marks the start of my long awaited holidays, but it also mean the end of my school term with the t105/110 peeps. i dont wanna split with the class, especially nana. :/ she's like the one who's pushing me to work hard, to do well.. and shushu. :/ i need them. another person in the class who've help me freaking alot is chengwei. thanks. the rest of the class were very nice too. i jus cant bear to part with all of them. aww. :(



sth consoling was tt i've managed to get 72 for my marketing final common test! omg. so freaking glad lah. :)



anyway, i've been hanging out with maggie's sister for quite some days. :) she's a pretty nice girl. same age as jessie. 16 this year. 2nd person who's younger than me whom i can click well with. heh. she has the same birthday as my dad! ha. celebrated her bdae at her mom's pub, and celebrated my dad's bdae at east coast park. had seafood. superb! haha. i feel fat. =p



stayed with ta dar for like so many days alr. mom and dad miss me like mad. i feel so.. guilty. :(
but here i am! home sweet home. with snowy beside me. waahh. feels like heaven. okay im a lil insane now. :p



i've starting working on fri. ha. had enough rest lahh. and im so so fucking broke. think i'll be working 3 to 4 days every week from now. :) and stupid ben jus gave me my pay like on sunday! haha. and today's the 7th. late for one mth! asshole.



i felt so unloved by mister new ytd tt i cried. argh. :( KANNINABEH! =x
and he shook me so hard jus now tt i fell. :( we're jus like lil kids always squabbling in public. argh. damn. now i've got blue blacks cos i fought with him. think im violent. haha.
but our fights always made us learn more.



we played fighting game on his computer jus now. whahaha. think must be after playin den we wanna be like the characters in the game. omg. cant believe im saying these. wahahaha. okay. he's snoring away now. asshole. but i think its my fault lah. i always take up the whole bed. =p



i miss you
mister new. :)

jus woke up. slept till 2.
i jus lay there, until my mom shook me up.
and my eyes stil hurt.



i haven got the mood to do much anyway. jus wanna go back to sleep.



i'll be studying tonight with simin. medisoc's final test is worth 40 percent. argh. its giving me so much pressure. :/



pls do not hurt yourself. because it pains me to see you do so.



and i still love you so.

heart wrenching night.


tears.
tears.
and more tears.




not feeling any better from those monstrous menses cramps. and yet we had another major argument.



i was terrified by my own doings. i wailed and banged and kicked. to the expense of bodily pains. but yet i couldnt control them.



everything i've done was unappreciated. every gentle reminder jus got violent. every other reminders become reminders of my good doings. every other bits of love, care and concern are all nothing. oh lord, tell me what to do. please. just to stop my heart from feeling so broken up inside. crying my eyes out doesnt have any effect on his most feeling organ. to have always been the lousiest, the worst ever, knowing tt even if i put in my everything, i'll never hit the lowest point of providing happiness is driving me to my end. others made me feel tt i am flawless, tt i am very appreciated, tt i am the best they could ever get. but now, i jus feel like im worth nothing. despite the most horrible feeling ever, all i wan and all i need in my life is you. just you. no one else. goodbye. is tt what's gonna happen everytime sth major comes up? we've not grown much after all, have we? perhaps.



my eyes hurt so badly tt they barely can open. im feeling so depressed. i just wish myself dead.



and i love you so.



good night.

tuskudrusla ++ link ++ link ++ link ++ link ++ link ++ link

++my friendster++
*liling* yeuai* nana* chengwei* simin* *shuying* jessica* jolynn* jiamin* andrew* *suxian* *sara* *xinle* *kim* *aini* *zaki* *alyson* *daiyan* *celeste* *leena* *liankwee* *pameela* *renny* *tiffany* *joel* *faz* *jessie* *laopo*

*missy lynniiees- `lynnlynn `17th august 1988 `taken.